hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
