I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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