You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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