I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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