the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
foreskin is a definite game changer
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize