It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
