first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
