Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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