And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
