he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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