You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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