I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
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Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
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I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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