i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
