Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
