New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
