I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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