Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize