What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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