So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
