so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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