it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
