did you get engaged???
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
