I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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