porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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