My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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