i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
