It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
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We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
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I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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