Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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