I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
