i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
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Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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