I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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