I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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