i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I did not marry a roomba.
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