we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
