chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
