There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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