I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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