HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
