i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize