i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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