I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
