Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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