I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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