my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
