apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
