Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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