Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
