I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
