guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
