Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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