i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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