I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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