hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
