Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
