In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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