He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
