the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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