Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
