i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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