I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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