I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
