So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
